“Simply shut up and listen.”
That's what my mentor kept telling me in my first 90 days at a new org. It didn't make sense, tbh. I wasn't starting with a blank slate. I had vast experience; why shouldn't I contribute everywhere I could?
But let me back up.
Joining a new team or org can be challenging. You're not just under constant pressure to prove yourself, but you're also meeting a completely new set of people. Two unknowns stacked on top of each other – you don't know the system and the ways of working, and you don't know the people either.
Not long ago, I was a typical engineer. After joining a team, I wanted to create the biggest impact in the shortest time. But then I met the mentor who kept pushing me to be less aggressive for the first 90 days. You can choose your own number of days, ofc. I'm slow, so mine is 90.
I strongly believe dots can only be connected looking backwards, so not everything she said made sense to me in the moment. But isn't that why I was seeking a mentor anyway?
So, I listened.
Here's what changed:
Your own opinions
This was the one I didn't see coming, honestly.
- Strong opinions, loosely held: your experience is a lens, not a template – bring it, but let the new context contest it
- The views that survive 90 days are the ones worth holding. The rest were just habits from your last job, wearing a mask.
People
- Who actually gets listened to vs. who just has the title. This is key to finding how you influence and lead.
- Who disagrees openly, who disagrees quietly, who never disagrees (and why). Tells you a lot about team composition.
- People tell you who they are in the first few weeks, if you're not busy telling them who you are
Systems (or: how this place actually works)
- Every org has two operating systems: the one on the wiki, and the real one. You'd be rich from every “but our company policy says otherwise.” Shutting up lets you see the real one.
- What gets rewarded, what gets quietly tolerated, what gets punished. Once you see the pattern, you know where change is possible – and where it isn't.
- The strange process that seemed broken usually has a scar behind it
How to eventually speak up
You've earned the right to an opinion by showing you understand the terrain – so when you do speak, people lean in. Your ideas land differently because they're rooted in here, not there.
Something shifts in how people hear you too. Your ideas stop sounding like imports from your last company. People stop bracing for the “at my old place we…” opener.
But a small warning: 90 days of listening isn't forever. At some point, staying silent becomes its own problem. You were hired for a reason, and that reason wasn't to be a quiet observer indefinitely. The goal was never permanent deference – it was informed conviction. Know when to stop listening and start contributing.
Turns out my mentor wasn't asking me to be small. She was asking me to earn the room before I tried to change it.